Some dialogue.

IT Manager, nameless so as not to unduly impair your faith in the good governance bought by your rates and taxes: Do you have those submissions so that I could read them?
Me: Yes, IT Manager, indeed I do. Here they are - five lovely folders' worth.
IT Manager: Oh.
Me: Yes.
IT Manager: Um. So only three of these are in active contention, right?
Me: I wouldn't say that. I'd say, should you ask me, that all five are goers. Certainly it would seem that reading all five is the preferred approach vis-a-vis making an informed decision.
IT Manager: Oh. Really.
Me: Yes. You're quite welcome to take all five away with you.
IT Manager: Oh no, that's ok. I'll just take one for now. Um. Um. Um. I think I might read this one. Or this one.
Me: ....
IT Manager: Um.
Me: .... Well, you know that second one is quite a lot more reading than the first.
IT Manager: Oh. Is that because the first one has more pictures?

Verbatim, I swear. But the good news is that my first TV pilot is well under way due to the truly amazing amount of material I've uncovered. It's a reality show about (a project) in (a council) featuring three guys who spend a lot of time massaging their eyebrows after reading emails. Sounds somewhat limited on the drama front I'll grant you, but the dialogue's pure genius.

This may well be the first time I've genuinely enjoyed an insane workplace.